ACCENT ON MURDER
The cop was so excited he had to restrain himself from shouting into the phone.
“Lieutenant? Lieutenant? Is that you? This is Stolpes, sir.”
The cop didn’t need to hold the phone next to his ear as he listened to his irate superior vent.
“Yessir. I do know it’s three o’clock in the morning sir and you can believe I wouldn’t wake you for the world sir, but we got this problem here sir and we need help.”
If anything the intensity and volume erupting from the cell phone the patrolman held in his hand increased. The Lieutenant was still irate.
“ I know this had better be good sir. I don’t want to be walking a beat for the rest of my life any more than you want to put me there sir but…”
An abrupt interruption could be heard all the way across the room the patrolman called from. “Yes, sir. I’ll get on with it sir.”
“What happened sir is we think Nick Petrone just killed Tony the Rat but we don’t know whether we can arrest him or not.”
Again the excited voice on the other end of the call interrupted.
“No, sir; I am not drunk. I know as well as you do that if the mob thought Nick had killed Tony a contract would go out on Nick but don’t forget, sir, if they believe Tony died naturally Nick would be next in line for the position.”
Another interruption.
“You’re right sir. It would have to be clever, and it was. That’s why I had to call you at this hour. I honestly don’t know whether I can arrest Nick and make it stick.”
Others in the room were treated to a long silence. At least the Lieutenant seemed to be calming down.
“Yes sir! I’ll explain.”
“You know, sir, how famous Tony the Rat’s collection of glass birds is…er, was? Everybody kids him about it. I’m standing in the middle of Tony’s living room and there must be three thousand birds displayed in this room alone.
Well, sir. You’ve also heard that as much as Tony loved birds, he hated snakes. It was a phobia with him. I’ve heard it said he wouldn’t even go to the park for fear he would run into a snake.
Pretty funny isn’t it sir? A snake like Tony being afraid of the real thing?”
This time the cop had to hold the phone well away from his ear. “You’re right sir, not at this time of the morning.”
“Anyway, sir, when we get here we find a doctor’s report on the night stand in Tony’s room. It’s a report on Tony’s bad heart and it says he has to avoid stress. The doc says he doesn’t have to give up doing business. He just has to take it easy because his heart’s tired and any sudden or heavy strain might cause it to give out. I think, sir, that report must have set Nick to thinking.
Seems to me the result of all that thinking was that Nick arrived at Tony’s house this morning with a big package in his hands. It was all wrapped up like a birthday present. He handed it to Tony and that’s where things got sticky.
Nick admits, and the maid confirms, that Tony asked Nick was in the box. Nick says he told Tony the box had a boid in it. The maid confirms that too. In fact, she confirms Nick’s whole story and I’m pretty sure she isn’t lying to us.”
Once again a series of squeaks and squawks were emitted from the phone.
“It’s spelled B-O-I-D sir.”
The phone rattled again.
“It is important, sir. Believe me.
The problem is the box had a six foot snake in it and when Tony opened the box and reached in the snake popped out and Tony popped off.”
Again the interruption. “Yes sir. Not this time of morning. I understand, sir.”
“Anyway sir, the coroner says it looks like it was Tony’s heart all right. The sudden shock was more than his heart could handle. When Tony reached in and grabbed that snake it was the same as if Nick had held a gun to his heart and pulled the trigger.”
“Why do I think it was murder, sir?”
The snake was a boa constrictor and it belongs to a family of snakes called the boidae, or, for short, the boids.
I would never have known that but when we asked Nick if we could search his car he agreed and guess what we found?”
A pause while Stoples listened.
“I know, sir. How could I expect you to guess about something like that.”
“It turns out our Nick just happened to have a copy of Gizimek’s Animal Life Encyclopedia tucked away in his car. Not the whole thing, just volume six and, sure enough, on page 363 there’s a chapter on Boids. Nick claims that he was just trying to help Tony get over his fear of snakes cause all the people in “The Family” used to laugh at Tony for being afraid.”
The volume coming from the phone was going up again.
“What’s that got to do with homicide, sir? Well sir, if Nick trapped Tony into opening the box without warning him about the snake we’ve got ourselves a clear case of murder because Nick knew how afraid of snakes Tony was. Nick also admits he knew about the bad heart. But if Nick told Tony about the snake we’ve got no case at all.”
“Yes sir, I’ll get to it.”
“So I ask you Lieutenant, how would you pronounce a word spelled “B-O-I-D?”
After a moment the policeman continued. “The dictionary? It says it’s B-O like a bow and arrow and I-D like Freud would say it. The problem is that when Nick uses the word it comes out sounding exactly like Detective Boyd’s name.
You see, Lieutenant, Nick and Tony were both from Brooklyn. Tony thought he was getting another little boid for his collection but Nick insists he told Tony it was a snake.
That’s why I called, Lieutenant? Can we arrest a man because he has an accent?”
Copyright Jack Petree - If you like the story don't forget to share
