Election Advice For The Well "Versed" Politician

A IS FOR APATHY

Apathy’s your friend, well tried and true;

The key to election, whether red or blue.

Opponents will rant, let them rave, vent their ire;

Calmly lean back and ask, “Where’s the fire?”

“I’m about truth, apple pie, about mother;

On me there’s no blame, put THAT on another!”

Cool, calm, and collected, remember your part;

Apathy won’t upset your apple cart!

B Is For Blame

Blameless you are, opponents still call you out;

An election is coming so there’s no time to pout.

Gather your thoughts, there’s no need to worry;

No panic, no missteps, it’s not time to hurry.

Throw the public a sop and tell them it’s honey;

“We’ll fix everything with more time and more money.”

“I’m concerned about crime and environment’s my predilection;”

“If you care about those, vote for my reelection!”

 

The Ballad Of The Vagrant Voter

T’was the night of election and all through the day,

Voters filled out their ballots; “Obligation,” they say.

The mailings were done, the attack ads were launched,

In hopes partisan voters remained ever staunch;

Party faithful were seated before celebratory spreads, 

While visions of appointments danced in their heads;

When from the television there arose such a chatter,

All sprang to the screen to see what was the matter.

The pundits had spoken, the polls had been taken;

But something was wrong, the press was forsaken.

Despite all predictions the voters expressed ire;

“How could this have happened? Who lit this big fire?”

On LAUER, on PELLY, on WILLIAMS and KOPPEL;

On KELLY, on BLITZER, this trend we must topple.

It’s time to unite, show the power of TV;

The polls are still open in the far West you see!

And then in a twinkling all noticed the proof;

The maps clearly showing, the people had goofed.

The underdog candidate; he who could not win;

Had dealt the anointed a blow to the chin.

The results were announced with many a tear,

The pundits pronounced, “Now we’ll all live in fear,”

Then strode to the podium, the person of note;

Basked in the results of a big electoral vote.

His eyes - how they twinkled! his dimples how merry!
His cheeks were like roses, his nose like a cherry!
His droll little mouth was drawn up like a bow,
And the color round his eyes was as white as the snow.

“Now you’ll see the economy come back with a roar,

We’ll get people working, that’s a help to the poor;

We’ll roll back the taxes and build infrastructure,

You’ll all find life better, this is my time for ducture.”

The pundits still wonder how this all occurred;

The truth of the matter? The opponent was lured.

Disaster? Apocalypse? Electoral catastrophe? 

Just the fruit of division, of hubris, and voter apathy!