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Monday, July 22, 2019

Election Advice For The Well "Versed" Politician


A IS FOR APATHY

Apathy’s your friend, well tried and true;
The key to election, whether red or blue.

Opponents will rant, let them rave, vent their ire;
Calmly lean back and ask, “Where’s the fire?”

“I’m about truth, apple pie, about mother;
On me there’s no blame, put THAT on another!”

Cool, calm, and collected, remember your part;
Apathy won’t upset your apple cart!


B Is For Blame

Blameless you are, opponents still call you out;
An election is coming so there’s no time to pout.

Gather your thoughts, there’s no need to worry;
No panic, no missteps, it’s not time to hurry.

Throw the public a sop and tell them it’s honey;
“We’ll fix everything with more time and more money.”

“I’m concerned about crime and environment’s my predilection;”
“If you care about those, vote for my reelection!”

 
The Ballad Of The Vagrant Voter

T’was the night of election and all through the day,
Voters filled out their ballots; “Obligation,” they say.
The mailings were done, the attack ads were launched,
In hopes partisan voters remained ever staunch;

Party faithful were seated before celebratory spreads, 
While visions of appointments danced in their heads;
When from the television there arose such a chatter,
All sprang to the screen to see what was the matter.

The pundits had spoken, the polls had been taken;
But something was wrong, the press was forsaken.
Despite all predictions the voters expressed ire;
“How could this have happened? Who lit this big fire?”

On LAUER, on PELLY, on WILLIAMS and KOPPEL;
On KELLY, on BLITZER, this trend we must topple.
It’s time to unite, show the power of TV;
The polls are still open in the far West you see!

And then in a twinkling all noticed the proof;
The maps clearly showing, the people had goofed.
The underdog candidate; he who could not win;
Had dealt the anointed a blow to the chin.

The results were announced with many a tear,
The pundits pronounced, “Now we’ll all live in fear,”
Then strode to the podium, the person of note;
Basked in the results of a big electoral vote.

His eyes - how they twinkled! his dimples how merry!
His cheeks were like roses, his nose like a cherry!
His droll little mouth was drawn up like a bow,
And the color round his eyes was as white as the snow.

“Now you’ll see the economy come back with a roar,
We’ll get people working, that’s a help to the poor;
We’ll roll back the taxes and build infrastructure,
You’ll all find life better, this is my time for ducture.”

The pundits still wonder how this all occurred;
The truth of the matter? The opponent was lured.
Disaster? Apocalypse? Electoral catastrophe? 
Just the fruit of division, of hubris, and voter apathy!

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