"Cold" War

The almost always taciturn Chairman smiled.  “Genius,” the great one gloated.  “Do what is necessary.”

The first of the Air China flights departed for carefully chosen target cities within hours; pilots and crew chosen because they’d shown westernized characteristics, having been contaminated over time by the superficial ideals embraced by the elite of the cities the planes regularly serviced.  Passengers were similarly contaminated businessmen and women with a scattering of undesirable dissidents mixed throughout. 

Wuhan was the chosen city of origin.  Dubbed “China’s Chicago,” the transportation hub assured the disease would spread rapidly, domestically and internationally.

Eight weeks later the Chairman again sat in the War Room.

“Report!”

“Comrade Chairman.  I am extraordinarily honored to report the experiment was a total success in nearly every respect.  We have clearly won the first battle in our new war against the decadent West.”

“More!”  It was the first time anyone had heard the Comrade actually chuckle.

“The infection process was incredibly successful.  An invisible, odor free agent carrying the virus was easily disbursed throughout train and bus stations and in our airport.  An adequate incubation period for the disease assured distribution around the world well before the disease began to show in our own population.  We’ve seen the world’s economic system suffering  devastating dislocation and panicked populations are still demanding wholesale changes in their own governments.”

“All that and not a single soldier lost,” the Chairman mused.  “How soft the West is.  The new virus is ready?”

“Yes, Comrade.”

“Launch phase two!”

Red Tape And Blizzards - To Build A Fire 2020

“Fantastic!” 

The man’s first day in the mountains of Whatcom County was already memorable.  Cold despite the best gear available, he looked forward to camp at Glacier Creek; the hot fire, a warm tent, hot food, and whiskey would be welcome.

“Snap!” A strut folded.  The snowmobile tumbled over the edge of a 200’ downslope, the man hanging on for dear life only to be flung away; the machine continuing on, finally smashing against the root-ball of a fallen forest giant.

Consciousness!  Cold!  So Cold!  Dark!  Struggling to stand! Falling hard; the fiery pain of a broken leg.    

Conscious again.  Had it been all night? 

The man slid down to the snowmobile.  The buzz of distant engines! Wishing he’d stuck to the well-marked trails he’d been told to follow!  No one would look for him here!   Just one chance!

The leaking gasoline ignited instantly, fierce heat immolating the root-ball.  Flame and smoke shot into the air.  “They’ll see that!” the man exalted.

Finally!  A chopper!  A rescuer winched down. 

“Hey buddy, you’re in big trouble.”

“Tell me about it!”

“Whatever.  Sign here.”

“What’s this?”

“Citations, summons, stuff like that; Forest Service, Northwest Air Pollution NOAA, EPA, Ecology, bunch of others; burning without a permit, potentially endangering wildlife, air pollution, ground contamination, other things.  Come on, sign, I gotta get out of here, storm’s coming!.”

“What about me?”

“Maybe the next chopper.  Bunch of environmental groups are flying in to serve you with papers for a lawsuit.  Maybe they’ll have room.”   

 

My Laughable Career... So It's Come To This?

“You’re a writer?”

“Right, a writer.”

“I need a speech; writer.”

“Righteous!”

“Need some jokes.”

“Funny!  Jokes are my specialty!”

“I want originals.”

“First thing came to mind.”

“I’ll need a sample?”

“Does it look like we’re in Costco here?”

“Ok, ok.  If I use a joke I’ll pay.”

“Alright, then.  Tell me, how do you know when you’re getting old?”

“You tell me!”

“Depends!” 

“What?  Oh, right, I get it now.”

“More?”

“Yup.”

“What’s the worst thing about getting old?”

“I give up.”

“You just feel so youthless.”

“Huh.”

“Youthless!  Think man it!”

“Oh, yeah.  That’s actually pretty funny when you think about it.”

“That’s the point!”

“Got more?”

“My grandson likes to journal but he was having some trouble with that.”

“Really!  What kind of trouble?”

“It’s really windy out where the kids live so whenever he’d sit down on the porch to journal the wind would blow and the pages would fly about.  Tough to write then; right?”

“Right.  So what’d he do?”

“Asked his grandpa how to fix the problem of course.”

“What’d you tell him?”

“Simple.  An easy fix.  Told him to change the paper he was using.”

“Don’t tell me, you told him to use fly paper.”

“Nope.  He wanted to journal, not catch flies!”

“So what’d you suggest?”

“Sure you haven’t figured it out?”

“Yup.”

“Stationary, of course.”

“Are you really trying to tell me you expect pay for a joke like that?”

“Absolutely yes!”

“Give me a break!”

“Now who’s being funny?”

The Jogger

A bit of doggerel I wrote some 40 years ago and just ran across.


The Jogger:

I started to jog, my body I flogged; 'til at last I can run with some ease.

But I find there's still pain; the principal bane?

The bugs I inhale as I weeze!


Now, a nit or a gnat, can be swallowed or spat;

With them you can do as you please.

But one bug I still fear, Lord help me to steer, 

Away from those large bumblebees!


Please?

 

 

Cursives! Foiled Again!

The adrenalin boiled and roiled through his body.  Finally, the big day!  Bellingham’s Mime Fest!  

PILAR MORIN    1895

He looked in the mirror.  “Perfect!”   He would be indistinguishable from any of the hundreds of others signed up to don traditional top hat, red kerchief, black and white striped shirt, white gloves and suspendered trousers, all strolling downtown’s sidewalks, running into imaginary glass walls, walking imaginary dogs, or pulling on imaginary ropes.

He examined the note; “THIRTY SECONDS, I’VE GOT A GUN, ALL THE MONEY IN YOUR TILL. NO ALARMS, NO DYE PACKS, NO FOOLISHNESS AND NO ONE GETS HURT! ”

“Perfect.”

He walked into the bank.  The other “customers” smiled.  He glanced at the overhead camera, wordlessly pointed his thumb and index finger in the timeless little boy’s gesture for an imaginary gun, winked, and pantomimed the traditional trigger pull representing a shot.

Wordlessly he handed the note to the smiling teller.  The smile faded, replaced by a quizzical glance.  “What can I do for you sir?”

Impatient, he pointed to the note.

“Sir?”

This time he emphatically hammered on the note with his finger.

“I can’t read this sir. I’m sorry, you’ll just have to tell me what you want.”

Customers were beginning to pay attention.  No more smiles. 

Resolve broken, he turned and fled.

The bank manager suppressed inappropriate laughter as he read.  “Miss Jenkins, are you telling me you really can’t read this note?”

“Yes, sir.”

“Didn’t you learn to read cursive as a school child Miss Jenkins?”    

“Cursive, Sir?” 

 

Using Technology to Enhance Both The Environment and Farm Profitability

Should You Consider Photoselective Netting for Your Orchard?

By Jack Petree|July 22, 2019

In field trials, red photoselective netting reduced light intensity and photosynthetic active radiation by 25%. (Photo: David Eddy)

According to the Washington State Tree Fruit Research Commission (WTFRC), “Sunburn remains the leading cause of apple cullage and reduced packouts in Washington, in some years accounting for more than half of all off-grade fruit.”

To address the issue of sunburned fruit, as well as look at other potentialities, the WTFRC and Washington State Department of Agriculture Specialty Crop Block Grant program funded a study by a team of Washington State University (WSU) experts in tree fruit physiology, beginning in 2015. The study aimed at determining how photoselective hail netting might impact tree fruit quality and quantity, as well as overall orchard health in a climate zone where high summer temperatures and considerable sunlight are routinely present.

Two-Year Study
The study, with tree physiologist Lee Kalcsits acting as lead investigator, led to a number of significant findings, some of which the team found to be a bit surprising and some that need further examination, monitoring, and assessment. Other researchers who were part of the team included Drs. Desmond Layne, Stefano Musacchi, Giverson Mupambi, and Sara Serra, as well as Tory Schmidt from WTFRC.

Over a two-year period, Kalcsits and his team tested the effect of pearl, blue, and red netting on the orchard environment. They studied physiology and fruit quality of ‘Honeycrisp’ apples grown in two areas of Eastern Washington State, comparing the results to those measured on an uncovered control plot.

“Environmental sensors recorded air temperature, relative humidity, wind speed, light intensity, soil temperature, and soil moisture in each treatment through the 2015 and 2016 seasons. In both years, fruit sunburn data and fruit quality were recorded at harvest and after four months of regular atmosphere storage,” according to the report on the study’s results released in 2017. “Vegetative growth, flower induction, and fruit set were also measured. Plant water status, photosynthesis, and light-use efficiency were recorded throughout the growing season in 2016.”

Importance to Growers
 
Significant findings from the study included:

• Photoselective netting reduced light intensity differently, depending on color. All 20% netting reduced photosynthetic active radiation (PAR) by between 25% (red) and 21% (pearl). When using a new netting product, it is recommended that light intensity is verified using sample material before purchasing.
• Netting strongly reduced wind (by more than 50%) but did not affect air temperature in the tree canopy.
• Netting altered the spectra of incoming light and created a better light environment for plant and fruit growth. This was particularly true for the pearl netting that provided more scattered light than the other colors.
• Absorptive surfaces (fruit, leaves, soil) were more affected by netting than the air under the canopy. Soil, leaf, and fruit temperatures were all lower by using
  20% netting.
• Netting reduced light and heat stress on the tree and improved leaf-level photosynthesis and light-use efficiency.
• Netting increased flower induction and fruit set after a heavy crop year in pearl and red netting.
• Canopy growth was greater under netting than for the uncovered control.
• Netting increased fruit size and had no major negative effects on fruit quality. There were small reductions in color development with the blue and red netting in 2015.
• Netting strongly reduced sunburn compared to an uncovered control and provided a similar level of sunburn control to evaporative cooling in 2016.

Significant Water Savings
An aspect of the WSU investigation that has, perhaps, been less appreciated than it ought to be regarding the future of fruit growing in arid and semiarid regions is water use.

An increasingly scarce and expensive commodity, water is a concern for fruit and vegetable growers in most regions of the U.S. The ability of netting to act as a substitute for evaporative cooling, Kalcsits says, combined with other advantages netting provides may, in the future, make netting a good choice even for growers of lower-value cultivars.

Quantifying the water use differential between evaporative cooling and the use of netting is ongoing, according to Kalcsits.

“Currently, we are working to quantify the amount of water saved through both the reductions in water use through not having to use evaporative cooling, as well as water savings through reduced evapotranspiration from the orchard. These effects may benefit the growers, particularly in regions that may face water restrictions in years when the snowpack is low, like it was in 2015 in Eastern Washington.”

Pros and Cons
 
Any technology has advantages and disadvantages. Retrofitting an orchard can be expensive, and nets need to be installed and taken down each year. Kalcsits points out cultivar value, ongoing hail risk, and “the logistics and engineering of retrofitting,” are all issues to consider in making the decision to use netting. Net selection is also important, he says.

“Lower-shade percentage materials should be used in cooler or cloudier climates; higher-shade materials can be used in high light environments like Eastern Washington,” he says.

How important will photoselective netting be in the future? Kalcsits and his colleagues reported on their finding regarding the WSU examination in the journal, Agricultural and Forest Meteorology:
“In regions with high light intensity and air temperatures, there is a fine balance between optimizing growth and quality, and overexposing the apple tree or fruit to excess abiotic stress. In the future, as temperatures increase and fruit mature earlier, the risks of heat and light-related stress such as sunburn will increase. We anticipate that protected fruit cultivation under nets will play a substantial role in crop protection,” the research findings say. “Through the reductions in light intensity and wind speed, protective netting has the potential to reduce the amount of stress to which an orchard is exposed and mitigate the impacts of warmer temperatures and better control fruit maturation in these conditions. Furthermore, netting can reduce wind damage to the fruit.”

Petree is a public policy consultant and freelance writer based in Bellingham, WA. See all author stories here.

Election Advice For The Well "Versed" Politician

A IS FOR APATHY

Apathy’s your friend, well tried and true;

The key to election, whether red or blue.

Opponents will rant, let them rave, vent their ire;

Calmly lean back and ask, “Where’s the fire?”

“I’m about truth, apple pie, about mother;

On me there’s no blame, put THAT on another!”

Cool, calm, and collected, remember your part;

Apathy won’t upset your apple cart!

B Is For Blame

Blameless you are, opponents still call you out;

An election is coming so there’s no time to pout.

Gather your thoughts, there’s no need to worry;

No panic, no missteps, it’s not time to hurry.

Throw the public a sop and tell them it’s honey;

“We’ll fix everything with more time and more money.”

“I’m concerned about crime and environment’s my predilection;”

“If you care about those, vote for my reelection!”

 

The Ballad Of The Vagrant Voter

T’was the night of election and all through the day,

Voters filled out their ballots; “Obligation,” they say.

The mailings were done, the attack ads were launched,

In hopes partisan voters remained ever staunch;

Party faithful were seated before celebratory spreads, 

While visions of appointments danced in their heads;

When from the television there arose such a chatter,

All sprang to the screen to see what was the matter.

The pundits had spoken, the polls had been taken;

But something was wrong, the press was forsaken.

Despite all predictions the voters expressed ire;

“How could this have happened? Who lit this big fire?”

On LAUER, on PELLY, on WILLIAMS and KOPPEL;

On KELLY, on BLITZER, this trend we must topple.

It’s time to unite, show the power of TV;

The polls are still open in the far West you see!

And then in a twinkling all noticed the proof;

The maps clearly showing, the people had goofed.

The underdog candidate; he who could not win;

Had dealt the anointed a blow to the chin.

The results were announced with many a tear,

The pundits pronounced, “Now we’ll all live in fear,”

Then strode to the podium, the person of note;

Basked in the results of a big electoral vote.

His eyes - how they twinkled! his dimples how merry!
His cheeks were like roses, his nose like a cherry!
His droll little mouth was drawn up like a bow,
And the color round his eyes was as white as the snow.

“Now you’ll see the economy come back with a roar,

We’ll get people working, that’s a help to the poor;

We’ll roll back the taxes and build infrastructure,

You’ll all find life better, this is my time for ducture.”

The pundits still wonder how this all occurred;

The truth of the matter? The opponent was lured.

Disaster? Apocalypse? Electoral catastrophe? 

Just the fruit of division, of hubris, and voter apathy!